you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
