Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
