He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
