even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
