The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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