I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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