do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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