My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We have started to decorate penises.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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