you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
