yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
