I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
My ATM looks so different sober.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
