I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
