If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
