on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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