Im at strip club and am horny
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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