nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
