mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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