Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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