I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
