I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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