I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
