I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
