college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
It's shark week go big or go home
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
