She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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