It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
