Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
...so i touched it.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
