I wish I could teleport
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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