cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
