It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
