Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
