how can u be prego again
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
