I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
