I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
