She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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