He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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