ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I am one with the molecules
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
