You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
