im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
