Your dad touched me again.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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