He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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