1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
