when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
