dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
