you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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