I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
