I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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