I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
