Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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