I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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