My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
