one might say we're banned from that church
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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