I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
