He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
