Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
