I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
