You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
