Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
