There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
