I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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